Getting Married!
Like I talked about in my last post, I am so very excited to get married! I am aware that marriage is a very big step to move forward in my life, and one that will impact almost everything in the rest of my life in every way. Marriage is a joining of two people that can not be taken lightly. Depending on how, why, and when you are married, can determine how successful it is. Marriage is also a step in the process of becoming a family, and is one of the most vital parts. The first child is a transition, and every child after that continues to be transitions.
There are many different reasons that people get married, despite the idea that it was always for love. Some of these include the need for intimacy, social expectations, social ideals and personal fulfillment, desire for children, and for practical solutions. Personally, I would want maybe a couple different ones of these in my own marriage! I want there to be a mutual agreement to have kids, desire for intimacy, personal fulfillment, but also fulfillment together as a couple. I think that it is healthy to have many reasons for marriage, as long as both the husband and the wife can agree and have the same reasons.
There are very many important things to do in a marriage to make it go smoothly. Marrying someone is a huge commitment and it changes a lot of things in your life. You now are sharing things, living together, making big decisions together, buying things together, etc. I think a very important part of all of this is making sure that you work together. You need to be able to communicate effectively with your spouse, and talk about things together. Elder Russell M. Nelson shared this quote and I love it. "Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concentrated effort. That effort will succeed in each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness." I love this, because it shows just how much a simple miscommunication can do. If my husband and I are doing all that we can to be open with each other and be willing to work out miscommunications or problems, then we will be able to deal with whatever problems come our way.
When children are first born, a lot of things change in a relationship. First of all, new responsibilities are now there that weren't before. You have to spend time with the baby, learn how to read them because they cant communicate with you, feed them, and keep them clean. You have to decide who will work and who is going to stay home with the baby, you have to figure out who is going to do what when you are together with the baby, and you need to know that you have to help each other with all of the new required "chores" for the baby. Before my husband and I have children, it is going to be important that we talk about how we are going to handle things, so that we don't go into the situation with personal private contracts that wont be fulfilled because we didn't discuss them with each other. Private contracts are assumed contracts of agreement between partners of various matters that were never actually discussed. These are a problem because if you believe your spouse is going to do something, just because it's what you expected, but you never talked to them about it, and then they end up not doing it, you will be upset and or even angry. They won't even know because they didn't even know it was something you wanted. This is why it is important to talk about anything and everything that may occur if you are going into a new situation, such as having a child. However, there are always going to be things that come up in our lives that we could not have planned for. In this case, you have to know how to talk to each other. This is where being able to talk to your spouse before will come in handy because you already know how to communicate with each other and solve problems.
I am excited to get married, I know that it is going to be difficult, but I know that by learning these things now, it will definitely help me!
There are many different reasons that people get married, despite the idea that it was always for love. Some of these include the need for intimacy, social expectations, social ideals and personal fulfillment, desire for children, and for practical solutions. Personally, I would want maybe a couple different ones of these in my own marriage! I want there to be a mutual agreement to have kids, desire for intimacy, personal fulfillment, but also fulfillment together as a couple. I think that it is healthy to have many reasons for marriage, as long as both the husband and the wife can agree and have the same reasons.
There are very many important things to do in a marriage to make it go smoothly. Marrying someone is a huge commitment and it changes a lot of things in your life. You now are sharing things, living together, making big decisions together, buying things together, etc. I think a very important part of all of this is making sure that you work together. You need to be able to communicate effectively with your spouse, and talk about things together. Elder Russell M. Nelson shared this quote and I love it. "Meanwhile, mortal misunderstandings can make mischief in marriage. In fact, each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concentrated effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concentrated effort. That effort will succeed in each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness." I love this, because it shows just how much a simple miscommunication can do. If my husband and I are doing all that we can to be open with each other and be willing to work out miscommunications or problems, then we will be able to deal with whatever problems come our way.
When children are first born, a lot of things change in a relationship. First of all, new responsibilities are now there that weren't before. You have to spend time with the baby, learn how to read them because they cant communicate with you, feed them, and keep them clean. You have to decide who will work and who is going to stay home with the baby, you have to figure out who is going to do what when you are together with the baby, and you need to know that you have to help each other with all of the new required "chores" for the baby. Before my husband and I have children, it is going to be important that we talk about how we are going to handle things, so that we don't go into the situation with personal private contracts that wont be fulfilled because we didn't discuss them with each other. Private contracts are assumed contracts of agreement between partners of various matters that were never actually discussed. These are a problem because if you believe your spouse is going to do something, just because it's what you expected, but you never talked to them about it, and then they end up not doing it, you will be upset and or even angry. They won't even know because they didn't even know it was something you wanted. This is why it is important to talk about anything and everything that may occur if you are going into a new situation, such as having a child. However, there are always going to be things that come up in our lives that we could not have planned for. In this case, you have to know how to talk to each other. This is where being able to talk to your spouse before will come in handy because you already know how to communicate with each other and solve problems.
I am excited to get married, I know that it is going to be difficult, but I know that by learning these things now, it will definitely help me!
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