Marital Intimacy

     This week we had the opportunity to talk about marital intimacy! At first I was really nervous for this topic because it is something that doesn't get talked about too frequently. However, as the week progressed it was easier to talk about because I was understanding it better.

     I had the privilege of growing up with parents that we had a very open relationship with. We were raised understanding that if we ever had questions about anything, we could go to our parents and they would answer it without condemning or making us feel like we were in the wrong for asking such questions. My mom was very close with both my older sister and I, and she made it a point that anytime we had alone, quiet time together, that she would open up a question discussion with us and we could ask any question or talk about any topic. My mom was always very honest with us, and if it was important enough, she would even share personal experience from her and my dad which helped us to understand the importance of intimacy in marriage. Intimacy within marriage is very important. Marriage and Family- The Quest for Intimacy states that, "a high degree of sexual satisfaction early in marriage tends to increase the quality and the stability of the marriage." However, marital intimacy is not just about sex. In the book it goes on to say, "sex was not as important as caring and affection." A lot of times, you need to have security and safety in the relationship before sexual intimacy can be successful. "We can have intimacy without sex, but we cannot have satisfying sex without intimacy. In other words, sexual satisfaction is likely to be the result of, rather than the cause of, marital satisfaction." We were able to talk about in class a cycle of sex with the differences between men and women. There is the relation between sex and then safety and security. For women, they need to feel safe and secure before they will more likely be willing to go forward with sex. For men, it is the opposite. They feel safe and secure more usually after the sex. This can make it difficult in the bedroom because you have to be able to find the middle ground to make both partners feel comfortable and willing. 

     Once you can find a balance, there are a lot of opportunities and benefits! One of which is, it is very binding. Being intimate with someone, whether sexual or nonsexual, sparks a level of closeness that you don't really achieve from anything else. Another opportunity you have is the chance to create life! This is such a spiritual, overwhelming power that you have that should be taken very seriously. We have been given bodies that specifically fit together, man and women, in such a technical and beautiful way that its hard to understand how people could take it for granted or use that power and disregard it and throw away (through abortion) without even really thinking twice about it. It honestly makes me sad how much it happens. I honestly believe that procreation should only be kept between a man and a women, lawfully wedded as husband and wife. 

     On a completely different note, we discussed the stages of sex. It goes from arousal or excitement, so the plateau, then the climax or orgasm, then the recovery/refractory period. These patterns are different for men than woman, however there are similarities. For both male and female, during the arousal stage, heart rates go up, blood pressure goes up, eyes dilate, and your digestive system can momentarily shut down. This stage usually lasts longer for women. Then at the plateau, the male has a very very short period of time in this, and the woman lasts longer. When they get to the climax, the man will have it and then it will be over. For women, they can have multiple orgasms in a row without much time in between where as men can not do that. After the orgasm you reach the recovery period, which consists of very relaxed feelings where your body is just settling back down after having very intense feelings for the last little bit or however long. 

     I think it is very important that we understand and know about marital intimacy so that when we get married, we won't have too many surprises, and we will have less chances to be "disappointed". I am glad that I was able to be involved in this discussion this week and watch many videos and read different articles that helped me to have a better understanding.